Dr. Dina Fanai, D.C.
2 days ago
Why Rest Makes You Anxious: The Nervous System Pattern Behind High-Functioning Stress
Why Do I Feel Worse When I Finally Slow Down?
You finally sit down.
The day is “over.”
And instead of relief… your chest tightens.
Your brain starts scanning:
Did I miss something?
Should I be doing more?
What if I fall behind?
If rest makes you anxious, you’re not dramatic.
You’re not ungrateful.
You’re not broken.
You’re experiencing a nervous system that has been trained over time to equate urgency with safety.
This is common in high-achieving women who lead, build, carry, and perform… even when no one is watching.
And the good news is: it’s reversible.
You’ve done everything right.
The degrees, the drive, the discipline.
So why does success still feel like a weight, something you’re holding up instead of living inside?
If you’re silently wondering, “Is this really it?”, you’re not alone.
The most ambitious women of our time are starting to ask a new question:
What if success didn’t require sacrifice?
This is more than self-care. It’s a system reset.
Here’s how today’s high-performing women are choosing soft power over burnout and designing careers that nourish instead of deplete.
The Paradox of “Rest Anxiety”
A lot of burnout content talks about rest as if it were a spa day.
But for high performers, rest can feel like:
agitation instead of ease
guilt instead of recovery
mental noise instead of quiet
a strange sense of “danger” in stillness
This isn’t laziness.
It’s what happens when your internal system has adapted to prolonged pressure.
When your nervous system has been in a state of high alert for long enough, calm can feel unfamiliar, and unfamiliar can feel unsafe.
What’s Happening Under the Surface
Think of your nervous system like an internal operating system.
When stress becomes chronic, your system starts favoring:
sympathetic activation (go-mode: drive, vigilance, urgency)
and/or shutdown patterns (numbness, avoidance, “I can’t move”)
In high-functioning stress, the most common loop looks like this:
You push through the day on adrenaline, performance, and responsibility
Your body expects the next demand
Stillness arrives…, and your system goes, “Wait, where’s the next threat?”
Anxiety rises to create motion again
You interpret that anxiety as “I should be doing something.”
You go back to work / scrolling / planning / fixing
So the anxiety isn’t random.
It’s your body trying to restore the state it associates with control.
Rest anxiety is often a regulation problem, not a motivation problem.
The Science Behind Soft Power
Soft power isn’t passive. It’s a strategic regulation.
It’s the ability to stay centered while still leading powerfully.
And it’s rooted in nervous system mastery, not motivational hacks.
Women who learn to regulate their stress response by activating the parasympathetic system show better cognitive flexibility, emotional clarity, and even decision-making under pressure. (Porges, 2021)
In short, calm is the new competitive edge.
Why High-Achieving Women Feel This More Intensely
This pattern is amplified when your identity has been built on:
competence
reliability
being the one who “handles it.”
emotional containment
constant mental output
High-achieving women often carry two invisible weights at once:
The Performance Load
The pressure to stay sharp, ahead, impressive, and indispensable.
The Emotional Load
The pressure to stay composed, likable, supportive, and low-maintenance while you do it.
So when you stop moving, all that stored tension has room to surface.
That moment when you finally slow down is often when your system says:
“Now that we’re quiet… can we talk about what we’ve been holding?”
And because you’ve trained yourself to override signals, the body has to get louder to be heard.
Architectural Calm: How to Make Rest Feel Safe Again
In The Calm Architect™ approach, calm isn’t something you “achieve.”
Calm is something you design.
That’s what Architectural Calm means:
You create conditions that teach your body safety is real, not just an idea.
Here are three protocols that work especially well for high-achievers because they don’t require a personality change.
. The “Transition Ritual” (90 seconds)
High performers don’t struggle with working.
They struggle with stopping.
So instead of going from 100 to 0, build a bridge.
Try this:
Stand up
Exhale slowly (longer than your inhale)
Drop your shoulders
Unclench your jaw
Say one sentence: “Work is complete for today.”
Yes, out loud.
Your nervous system responds to clear endings.
This is Neuro-Systemic Rigor™ in practice: tiny actions that deliver a measurable signal we’re safe, we’re done.
. Don’t Start with Stillness
If stillness spikes anxiety, don’t force meditation first.
Start with gentle movement:
a slow walk
light stretching
shaking out your hands
rolling your neck and shoulders
Movement discharges survival energy so the body can settle without panic.
Then, only after trying stillness.
. Replace “Rest” with “Regulation.”
For many high-achievers, the word “rest” triggers guilt.
So we change the frame.
You’re not “resting.”
You’re regulating.
Try this language with yourself:
“This is nervous system maintenance.”
“This is performance longevity.”
“This is how I protect my edge.”
That’s not a marketing line.
That’s leadership.
Soft-Power Leadership Starts in Your Biology
Soft power isn’t softness for its own sake.
It’s strength without force.
A regulated nervous system creates:
clearer decisions
calmer communication
better boundaries
less reactivity under pressure
more presence in rooms that used to trigger you
When your system is stable, your leadership becomes quieter and more effective.
That’s why the future of high performance isn’t more hustle.
It’s calm capacity.
Not because it’s trendy.
Because it’s sustainable.
Find Your Stress Pattern (So You Stop Guessing)
Rest anxiety doesn’t show up the same way in every woman.
Some over-function.
Some freeze.
Some stay “nice.”
Some disappear behind competence.
If you want clarity without overthinking it:
Want to explore how emotional regulation builds leadership strength?
👉 Read: The Soft Power Advantage
📚 References
Harvey, A. G. (2002). A cognitive model of insomnia. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(8), 869–893.
McEwen, B. S. (1998). Protective and damaging effects of stress mediators. The New England Journal of Medicine, 338(3), 171–179.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton.
Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers (3rd ed.). Holt Paperbacks.
World Health Organization. (2019). Burn-out an “occupational phenomenon”: International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11).
🛑 Disclaimer
This blog is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or therapy.